he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
