I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's blow job season.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
