but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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