so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Found your dick twin last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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