I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
