We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
