Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
