I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize