my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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