I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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