oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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