return my video game
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
