Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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