So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize