I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
