If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
