Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
