you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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