Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
