my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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