He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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