oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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