I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
