btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
