You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
