oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
