I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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