you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
