he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
