Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drunk is a universal language darling
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
