You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
