im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
