CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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