Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize