Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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