drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
