smell my finger.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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