i think my mom watched the whole time
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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