Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Text me some of your sweat
false alarm, still single
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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