I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
