My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
