So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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