So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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