Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
