It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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