Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He has the fingertips of a God
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
