I just threw up on my dentist
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
