Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
