He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You took a bar mat shot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
