Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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