just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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