Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
