It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
