his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
