Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize