butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
