uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
