that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
