I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
