I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
