Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
