Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
