we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
