Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize