The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
