This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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