fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
