There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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