So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i believe in u and ur pee
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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