Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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