i think my mom watched the whole time
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
