Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize