Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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