did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
