You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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