It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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