it was like his penis was on wheels.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
