Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
