Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
