i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
