Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
