explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
