Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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