i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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