He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
