dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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