i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
